I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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