Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
