put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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