not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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