there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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