My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
