Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
