Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
