Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
