R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
