you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
