I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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