Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
