Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
God I need to hump something, right now.
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