I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
