it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
