thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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