My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize