Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
