i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
