Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
