I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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