I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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