Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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