He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
