Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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