She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
