the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
