Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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