Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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