she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
