Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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