he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
