Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i've created a new STD.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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