College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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