i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
