wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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