what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
