Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
