i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
