i permit you to call me
I have demons in me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
