i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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