woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
