Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
