Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
