I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
