I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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