we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
