Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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