Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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