My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
