i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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